Category Archives: Me

World BiPolar Day

bipolaf day

Hey, did you know we have a Day – Go figure! 

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Filed under Depression, Expose, Health, Me, Medication

Depression and Marrage

DivorceWhen I get depressed, I get very thin-skinned. The whole world is there to bother me. This probably helped  spark the painful feelings during the divorce of my first wife. I felt, at the time, that she was always nagging me. In hindsight  it was me taking everything so personally, that any discussion turned into a huge explosion of emotion.

I think I was depressed throughout the marriage, ( 3 kids, 3 million diaper changes all in less than 3 years).

I wasn’t diagnosed yet back then so I couldn’t comprehend what was going on sometimes. Near the end all I would do was hide in the basement with my computer (commodore 64) and watched TV.

I remember one night she came down and told me she didn’t love me anymore. I was so wrapped up in my cocoon by that point, that what she said barely scratched the surface of my shield I was hiding behind, After that it was the usual lawyer stuff. He said/she said. We haven’t spoken until just recently 20 odd years later. ( thin skin )

It wasn’t until another 5 years after the divorce that I was diagnosed with depression. I was given Prozac, the worst drug you can give a Manic Depressive. The Summer of Prozac, I like to call it was an interesting time and is a whole other story.

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Filed under Family, Grief, Me, Motivation

All grown up

hitchhiker

When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?” (from 365-days-of-writing-prompts)

I guess the fist time I really felt like a grown up, was when I was fifteen years old (I matured early) and I “ran away from home”. I decided to hitch hike across Canada to British Columbia. In hind sight it really was not the most mature thing I could do.

The freedom I felt was fantastic. I really felt self-confident for the first in a long time.

Of course I had no idea that I was on a big manic high – Until I returned home and crashed into a bad depression about two weeks later and quit school, and had my first thoughts of suicide. I should have looked for help then but I had no Idea what was happening.

I don”t remember feeling too grown up then.

Stay tuned for the rest of my travel across Canada!

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Filed under Health, Me, Motivation

Bad Day

bad day sky

One of those days you just want crawl under the coffee table and stay there. I am is known as a rapid-cycler. Instead of going months without a change in mood, it can happen on a daily basis or even hourly. Depends which way the serotonin is flowing day.

Well, back under the table.

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Filed under Bad, Blog, Me, Writing