Category Archives: Me
When I get depressed, I get very thin-skinned. The whole world is there to bother me. This probably helped spark the painful feelings during the divorce of my first wife. I felt, at the time, that she was always nagging me. In hindsight it was me taking everything so personally, that any discussion turned into a huge explosion of emotion.
I think I was depressed throughout the marriage, ( 3 kids, 3 million diaper changes all in less than 3 years).
I wasn’t diagnosed yet back then so I couldn’t comprehend what was going on sometimes. Near the end all I would do was hide in the basement with my computer (commodore 64) and watched TV.
I remember one night she came down and told me she didn’t love me anymore. I was so wrapped up in my cocoon by that point, that what she said barely scratched the surface of my shield I was hiding behind, After that it was the usual lawyer stuff. He said/she said. We haven’t spoken until just recently 20 odd years later. ( thin skin )
It wasn’t until another 5 years after the divorce that I was diagnosed with depression. I was given Prozac, the worst drug you can give a Manic Depressive. The Summer of Prozac, I like to call it was an interesting time and is a whole other story.
“When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?” (from 365-days-of-writing-prompts)
I guess the fist time I really felt like a grown up, was when I was fifteen years old (I matured early) and I “ran away from home”. I decided to hitch hike across Canada to British Columbia. In hind sight it really was not the most mature thing I could do.
The freedom I felt was fantastic. I really felt self-confident for the first in a long time.
Of course I had no idea that I was on a big manic high – Until I returned home and crashed into a bad depression about two weeks later and quit school, and had my first thoughts of suicide. I should have looked for help then but I had no Idea what was happening.
I don”t remember feeling too grown up then.
Stay tuned for the rest of my travel across Canada!
One of those days you just want crawl under the coffee table and stay there. I am is known as a rapid-cycler. Instead of going months without a change in mood, it can happen on a daily basis or even hourly. Depends which way the serotonin is flowing day.
Well, back under the table.