Afraid of the light


I am not really afraid of the light; more afraid of the daytime and going outside where all the people are.

On top of everything else, I am afraid of people. I think it is called Agoraphobia (a thank you to spell checker). Of all the ailments I have, this has to be the most aggravating. I need to go outside alone at times, but I am gripped by a choking feeling of anxiety. This sometimes triggers manic feelings turning into panic.

If you have suffered a panic attack, you understand. I you have never had the experience, I will explain what I feel.

Basically, the world begins to not make sense any more. The walls appear to be closing in. The roof (or sky) feel to be falling or moving very fast. The ground buckles beneath your feet to the point where you start looking for something to hang on to. During all of this it feels like someone has a hold of your heart and lungs and is squeezing the life out of you.

Some mistake that part as a heart attack and have called for medical help. I have been brought into hospital once as a heart attack and once showing stroke side effects. Both were panic attacks.

What I do if I experience one First I get my center of balance as low as possible. This can mean laying on the ground; so be it. Next, I concentrate on my breathing  and try to block everything else out. (There is usually some idiot that comes out with a paper bag for me to breath into) Recovery is pretty fast from there, but do go straight home. I can sit in peace that my walls, floors, and roof will remain stationary. I just go shopping another day.

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One response to “Afraid of the light

  1. I have experienced a panic attack only a couple times in my life, so am no expert on this. I can only imagine what you experience on a continuing basis with this. Hang in there – I hope it gets better for you. 🙂


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